Coming out (so to speak)...

Everybody has parts of themselves that they keep (or have kept) hidden. People who know me or read what I have written often tell me they love how transparent I am. Whenever this happens, I find myself cringing on the inside. If they only knew. If they knew everything would they still love and respect me?


I have shared about my homeless past. I have shared about the stripping, the drugs, the premarital sex and an assortment of other not so pretty things. That was easy (relatively, anyway) compared to this one thing...

This would be that one thing that I would rather not share (with other Christians). I am not prepared for the flogging...and the looks...and the talking behind my back. I am not prepared to lose friends or anything else that comes with sharing this part of myself...

but...

this life is not my own.

Lately I have lost some friends because I spoke out against Jennifer Knapp being both a self-proclaimed follower of Christ and a practicing lesbian.

"How hateful!" some have said. "How judgemental!" said others.

What can I say to that?

What am I supposed to do?

Tell them the truth, Mandie.

I knew that God had been nudging me to be completely honest (something I had only done in part before), but I really (reeeeeaaaaalllllly) do not want to be...

Tell them the truth.

The truth is that I do not hate homosexuals. The truth is that I can identify with what they are going through. I understand the struggle.

I want to paint a picture to defend myself, but if you read back on the specific time in my life it is obvious (and I really only want to paint a picture to make my choices not look that bad). When I say that I didn't know which way was up, I meant it.

Before I even had a boyfriend, I had a girlfriend.

I met her right after being homeless.

She had friends who lived down the street from me.

It wasn't a good experience for either of us.

I was always wishing for a husband and children.

She was always wanting more than I could give her...

...and I just never could get over the fact that she had...lady parts.

When I left that life behind, I chose to never go back. Ever. It wasn't something that meshed with what I found in Scripture, and it never felt natural.

When I made the decision to leave all of the garbage behind that came with that time in my life, there was a certain musician that helped me move forward in my walk with Christ.

Jennifer Knapp.

Why do I care that she's openly gay now?

Because I know that there is going to be a whole slew of Christian people who struggle with their sexuality who are going to go down the same path.

If Jennifer Knapp is doing it (and being accepted for it), why can't they?

I do not believe that it is acceptable to treat a person in a hateful manner. I don't believe it's okay to say mean and nasty things, either...

...but I do believe in standing up for and upholding God's word.

Are we really going to be a generation of Believers who pat other Believers on the back for living a lifestyle that does not line up with God's word?

If we say that's okay, what's next?

Are we not to have any boundaries?

Is it a free for all?

If it is, where does the laying down of your life come in?

Are we to treat people who choose to live in an openly gay manner like garbage? Absolutely not, but we don't have to pretend to agree with their choices, either.


*if you are a girl and you are my friend, please know that even if I wasn't married, you have the wrong parts for me. I am not interested in you...